Shigure_ui_[loveho_date_hen_full_version].mp4 -

Kenji sat back in his chair, exhausted but smiling. It wasn't the date the file title had promised, but it was the most authentically Shigure Ui video he had ever seen. He closed the media player, opened his own drawing software, and got to work. After all, Ui-mama had taught him well.

"Welcome to your fantasy date," Ui's voiced rang out, dripping with heavy sarcasm. "I hope you brought your wallet, because we are going to do something incredibly romantic and intimate today." Kenji leaned in, holding his breath. Shigure_Ui_[Loveho_Date_Hen_Full_Version].mp4

With a mix of intense curiosity and profound dread, Kenji double-clicked the file. Kenji sat back in his chair, exhausted but smiling

By the end of the video, Kenji hadn't received a single cute anime trope or sweet confession. Instead, he had unironically learned the fundamentals of independent contractor tax deductions in Japan and the most efficient way to render digital foliage. After all, Ui-mama had taught him well

As the video faded to black, a final drawing appeared on screen. It was a custom illustration of Ui wearing a smug, victorious smile, holding a sign that read: Go touch some grass.

The "Full Version" of the video turned out to be a grueling, three-hour-long instructional live-stream playback. Ui had anticipated exactly what kind of fans would click a clickbait title like "Loveho Date Hen." To punish them, she had recorded a marathon session of her doing the most mundane, exhausting parts of an illustrator's life.